Most people
think that they would like to have been more assertive
in certain
situations. They may feel that they were push into something or that
they didn’t put their opinions across in the way that they should have.
This is both common and natural. Humans get along well because we do
not all demand to be heard at the same time. If there are four people
in a conversation, three must be listening and only one taking at any
moment if the conversation is to be productive or enjoyable.
If one or two people try to dominate a conversation or situation, then
they leave us two choices – we can walk away or we can face them down.
Sometimes walking away is the best option for us, but if you want to be
more assertive, here are some things that you can try.
Be positive.
Focus on what you have achieved and what you are good at
rather than your limits. Be confident in your ability to control your
own future and to act independently of others.
Know your successes.
Be aware of your achievements and of your
strengths. This sense of self worth is at the core of any effort to be
more confident and assertive.
Watch those physical
signals. All humans have a physical presence that
signals to others how we feel about ourselves and about them. Watch
people that you admire and analyse how they stand and walk, the
gestures that they use, and the amount of eye contact that they give to
others. Make a conscious effort to copy your role model and see the
reactions of the people around you. Studies show that these body
signals are a key way that communicate with others and may be even more
important than what we say in some situations.
Stick to your principles.
Confident people are prepared to act
independently of others and even to go against the flow if they believe
that it is the right thing to do. This is risky behaviour but it
demonstrates integrity.
Admit your mistakes.
Nobody is perfect and anyone who claims to be will
be eventually found out. Admitting to what you don’t know or what you
have done wrong is confident behaviour and it is honest. Covering
things up shows a lack of confidence. It is also often very damaging,
particularly in a work situation.
Wait for people to
compliment you. Nothing exposes a lack of confidence
more than someone who is constantly promoting themselves in front of
others. It makes them look insecure. Instead accept compliments
graciously but do not constantly seek to approval of others.
Help others.
Don’t allow your bid to be more assertive be just about
you and what you want. Confident people are also generous in the way
that they treat others. They make a conscious effort to include others
in situations, and they find ways that they can assist them. This
behaviour separates the confident from those bullies who try to
dominate others. The confident person is not just interested in
themselves.