Relationships        -       Dating a younger man

Few topics seem to get tongues wagging and fingers pointing more than women dating older men. Now most people would hardly notice a five year age gap in a relationship, but when the gap becomes 15 or 20 years then numbers become more important. So what is it that gets disinterested bystanders so exercised about what other people are up to?

In some cases, older men may feel threatened by the younger men and also by the independence that older women are achieving in their lives. Other people may feel that this is an un-traditional relationship or may have a moral objection to it. Still more may feel that such a union may be too unstable and not a long-term proposition.


Many older women have exciting and fulfilling relationships with older men and talking to them, the advantages to them are quickly clear:

Physical Stamina. Younger men are generally in good shape physically and they have the stamina to all aspects of their lives to the full. You will never be held back from doing things because a lack of energy.

Physical Appearance. Youth is wasted on the young in many ways because they do not appreciate how good they look. Younger men have great skin, their own hair, a fresh look and they are usually in good physical shape. Some people look a lot younger than their age anyway, but in general physical appearance works in favour of these relationships.

Work life balance. While younger men are usually still working to find their place in the world and often work hard, they also have more time for fun. Part of this is the extra stamina that I already mentioned, but part of it is that the outlook of the younger male is more adventurous and fun-loving than older men.

Passion. Older men can be frustrated with their lives and cynical about the world around them. In general younger men have more raw passion for love and for life in general. They approach things with an openness and an energy that is not often found in older men. This can be very positive and thrilling for an older partner.

Less baggage. Younger men have been through fewer long relationships and are often less scared by the past than men your own age.

Eager to please. I have no logical explanation for this, but most women that I talk to in this situation describe their partner as more attentive and keen to please them than older men.

Of course there are negatives to building a relationship with a younger man. The most obvious is the question of maturity. This varies a lot from person to person. Some men are more mature at 21 than others at 40. However, men under 30 can often seem to be in a semi-boyhood which is difficult to shake off. While it is difficult to generalise about maturity, it is definitely a factor worth considering.

The next barrier is often about priorities – the practical goals that you might aim for as a couple. While an older woman may be thinking about settling down, having kids, investing in a property and focussing on a career, the younger man may still want to get rid of that stamina of his and spend money enjoying himself. This is no barrier to a short fling, but these things need to be agreed if the relationship is to last.

Friends and family can have an amazing influence on these relationships and on whether they succeed. Even the strongest willed women that I speak to admit to being influenced by what others think of their relationship. At a basic level, humans are social animals and no woman wants to abandon their network of friends and family for the sake of a new relationship. My advice would always be to ignore this as a factor, but I know that it is easier said than done.

When I speak to younger men who are in these relationships the one factor the all speak about is they would like to see how the relationship develops without a constant focus and regular reminders of the age difference. The logic of this point seems clear – if you make it important, it will become important.

Many older women have thrilling and fulfilling relationships with younger men. Along with a long list of positives, there are some things that you need to look out for if you are considering a relationship of this type. The most important thing is how this man treats you. If he is loving, kind and considerate, then most other things can be sorted out because they are less important.

You can find more information about dating and relationships in our  relationship forum and on our blog.