to Think About Love Again?
As we all know divorce and separation are on the increase and despite investing in a partnership or marriage of perhaps twenty years or more, many women over 40 find themselves single again. It is fair to say that a significant number of these older women relish the independence and the freedom from the constraints of a long term relationship and choose never to commit again. However, a large proportion of women over 40, who find themselves single again do want another long term relationship or at the very least a partner to go to dinner with and perhaps away for the odd fun weekend!
Dipping your toe back into the dating pool after a long time with the same person is, quite frankly, terrifying – but you will never learn to swim again standing on the side. Author and expert on singles dating Tonja Weinmar has put together a 3 step guide to achieving the best out of dating again. In this interesting and thoughtful article Tonja says;
“Women over forty who are single and looking for a relationship can easily become discouraged. If you fit into this group, you may think all the good ones are gone. But the fact is, you have never been at a better time in your life to meet someone.
If you are in the demographic of women over forty and single, chances are you have had enough relationships in the past that have given you some experience and wisdom. You probably know what works for you in a relationship and what doesn't. But if you feel stuck and don't know how to meet someone, or you are not quite sure how to apply what you have learned, no matter what your age, here is where you begin:
*Make a list of what you do not want in a relationship
Women over forty often do not know exactly what they want. Many times when I ask a client what she wants in a relationship, she has no idea. But when we change the question to what she doesn't want, she gets very clear. List all of the characteristics and qualities that you cannot put up with in a relationship. Take a look at what caused your other relationships to break up.
*Now...make a list of what you do want in a relationship
From your first list, you will now have some idea of what your deal breakers are in relationships, and that will tell you what you must have in order for one to work for you. Keep your list to no more than ten items. If it is longer, condense some of the similar qualities into one major one.
*Visualize your ideal relationship and surround the picture with feeling
Several times a day, visualize how you want your life to look with your ideal partner. Surround that picture with feeling as you imagine being together. Cut out pictures from magazines that represent your relationship and post them in a place where you will see them often. Look at them frequently and imagine having just what you want.
*Make a list of action steps you can take to achieve your ideal relationship
This is the most important step of all. You can't have what you want unless you do something about it. What would bring you closer to finding your love? Do you need a counsellor to help you build up your self esteem and handle some of your past baggage? Do you need to stop being a hermit and get out of the house more? Do you need a financial counsellor to get your economic life straightened out? Do you need to look at what it would take to have a more fulfilling career? Do you need a dating coach? Remember that like attracts like, so if you want to meet a successful, emotionally stable, attractive guy, you want to become the same. Become the person you are looking for.
Women over forty have earned the wisdom, beauty, and maturity to find
whom and what they want. If you are over forty, you have a courage that
you never had before. Use all of your lessons learned and go and find
what you want. You deserve it.”
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
Sounds easy doesn’t it and definitely worth a try if you are considering dating again. As always here at Plan Free Mum we encourage each member to do only what feels right for them. That said we are keen for our women to step out of their comfort zone once in a while – if you don’t you will always stay the same. Remember the saying “If it’s to be it’s up to me” it completely true. The rest of your life depends on you. Don’t stand at the side, jump in and test the water. You might even find Mr. Right (again!).
P.S. Before going on a date check out our dating disasters article as well!